In just my first week into my doctoral program, I already feel like I’m drowning.
I originally allocated 2 hours for reading and writing every day, but it’s been closer to 4 hours each day. I’ve been reading and writing for 12 hours each today and yesterday.
I’ve been in touch with other people in my cohort who are also struggling with the workload, and it’s comforting to have friends in arms. I think we’ll get into the swing of things, but I’m certainly not in the flow right now.
I’d be lying if it didn’t pass my mind as to whether or not I’ll be able to get through the program. The workload, my other commitments, my health, my sanity. They are all on the table in a poker game with odds that change depending on the day.
“I don’t quit. I persevere.” That’s always been my script. That’s always been what my mom taught me.
And even with this script, I’ve never been confronted with an ocean this vast and wide to wade.
But I keep reminding myself of this one thing when the thought of quitting passes my mind: I would absolutely hate the program if it wasn’t hard. If this was a cakewalk, I’d be disappointed, jaded, and I’d probably re-appropriate my time to something else worth doing.
It wouldn’t be worth it if it wasn’t hard.
So I’m pressing on, doubling down, and moving forward.
That being said, odds are 5:1 that another post like this comes up at the end of week two.